Were you under the impression that your vagina was okay? Well, you were wrong. According to beauty “specialists” your vagina is in need of some serious adjustment. Everything from its color to its smell is gross and wrong and needs to be fixed, so with the help of Alternet, we’ve got a list of all the problems your vagina has, and some simple, if not disturbing, ways to fix them.

1. Your vagina is smelly. Solution: Vaginal Deodorant

We’ve all heard those disgusting jokes about the “fishy” smell that vaginas can get if not properly cared for.  And although it seems to me that a simple washing would do the trick, there are some products out there that will keep you fresh and clean, even if you haven’t showered in months. From scented suppositories to a “feminine spray” that has some of the same ingredients as 409, you can go from smelly to countertop clean in a jiffy!

2. Your vagina is dirty. Solution: Douching

It’s funny how even when the Department of Health says something is absolutely terrible for you, they can still sell it. In fancy packages. And advertise it in magazines. So is true of douching, which used to be a primitive form of birth control until someone realized that squirting vinegar up your hoo-ha wasn’t gonna stop those aggressive little swimmers. However, even now women are using douches to try and ward off vagina stink (once again, anyone heard of a shower?) even though doctors and scientists everywhere keep saying not to.

3.  Your vagina is loose. Solution: Vaginal Rejuvenation

What’s wrong with you women?! Why is it that after pushing an 8 pound child out yourself, you can’t stop whining and tighten that thing back up? You’re such failures that we had to invent a surgery that would do it for you. Because as we all know, if your vagina isn’t vice-grip tight, it’s pretty worthless.

4. Your vagina tastes bad. Solution: Vagina Mints

Did you know there are women in the world whose vaginas do not taste like orange sherbet? This is unfortunate, but not unsolvable. Luckily, the kind folks over at Linger Internal have created a vagina mint (which is actually just a regular mint) for you to… well.. I don’t know. I guess to stick in your vagina. Which sounds kinda like the ingredients for a yeast infection, except mint flavored.

5. Your vagina is the wrong color. Solution: Vaginal Dying or Bleaching

For generations, women around the world have been just disgusted by their vagina-colored vaginas, and wondered when someone was going to come up with a system that would make their vaginas more visually appealing. Luckily, someone came up with a bleaching system that would take that old, unfortunately colored vagina and give it a little boost, like when you throw Clorox in to get rid of dirt stains on your white jeans.

img @ smh.com.au

Everyone knows how shameful it feels when you wake up to a clearly alcohol-induced one night stand in your bed. With a massive headache and a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach, you roll over to see a beast of epic proportions. Although you may feel helpless at the moment, HolyTaco has done a great favor of providing some tips on how to get rid of a regrettable one night stand.

1. Create a Non-Sexual Environment

By getting up promptly, putting on your clothes,  and whipping open the blinds, you show your adversary that you are not going to partake in any morning sex. The light from the window may worsen the appearance of your mistake, but hopefully will shame the naked atrocity in your bed into leaving.

2. Create a Sense of Urgency

HolyTaco suggests putting on a tie and discussing your lateness for the day’s events, even if your plans for the day consist of playing video games and eating Cheetos. Bonus point if you say you’re late for STD testing or a parole hearing.

3. Have Breakfast Ready to Go

Some people (jerks) believe that you have to provide breakfast for your monstrosity of a one night stand. In case this happens, have a variety of quick “on-the-go” foods ready to pass off as you push them out the door, like bagels, a  SlimFast bar (if you’re daring), or a GoGurt… it even has go in the name!

4. Walk out the Door

Like we stated previously, it matters not if you actually have anything to do that day. By walking out the door and gesturing like you’re getting in the car, you are making a clear statement that the date/accident/horrific event is over. Once the shamed woman or man drives away, feel free to head back inside, strip down to your boxers, and drown your sorrows in children’s breakfast cereals and violent video games.

Don’t worry. The misery will pass.

img @ citypages

Here at BCU, we pretty much consume three things: pizza, burritos, and beer. Naturally, our local Chipotle is a pretty frequent stop on the lunch circuit. That being said, even we find it hard to believe what Jeremy Baier of Minnesota is trying to do: eat 3 Chipotle burritos a day for seven days. That’s 21 burritos and almost 24,000 calories? why is he doing it, you ask? To raise money for the Children’s Hospitals of Minnesota, of course!

While we feel that gorging on Mexican food is not exactly cohesive with the whole “promoting health” idea, we give him props for trying to be charitable. Considering he’s only raised $90 so far, we feel the need to help him out. Click here to help donate.

Good luck, Jeremy. We hope your stomach doesn’t combust.

Improv Everywhere has been putting on staged events across the world since its inception in 2001, and one of its most popular is the annual “No Pants! Subway Ride,” which prompts Americans to get on the subway, sans pants, and act as though nothing strange is going on. This year, thousands of people participated, creeping the daylights out of most anyone in their path.

img @ imgur

This little girl has exactly the same face we’d probably have if faced with this situation.

img @ ohgizmo

Because frying is just way too hard. Thanks, Sweden, for this delicious, pre-cooked and then blended version of a classic “Amerikansk Smak”!

Whether it’s a drunken night in Vegas, a bachelor party, or some sort of broken-hearted need for attention, going to a strip club is usually about having fun, and watching some hotties take their clothes off for you. But sometimes, as exemplified by these photos, watching a stripper can be equivalent to a train wreck: so disturbing you can’t look away.

1) The Bad Parent Fail

We’ve all seen the pictures of girls stripping while an infant looks on in the background. This, in my humble opinion, is so much worse. Not only is that little girl at the most impressionable age of her life, but her creepy pervy dad is snapping photos with his cell! This is parenting at its best!

2) The Overly-Confident Fail

I’m all for a girl embracing her size, and throwing all inhibitions to the wind, but wow. The look on that guys face in the background says it all: A mix of fear, intrigue, and slight nausea.

3) The Doesn’t-Care Fail

If my keen sense of nerd-perception is correct- and I think it is- this is a LAN party. These kids may be playing World of Warcraft or some similar acne-inducing game. All I’m sayin’ is, come on guys. This may be the closest to a naked woman you ever get. PUT THE CONTROLLER DOWN.

4) The Soon-To-Be Stripper Fail

This is the ultimate in low expectations. No astronaut Barbie, no doctor set, just a doll who is “just paying for college.” (Also, the second bullet point says “Interesting,” which is the exact adjective that comes to mind when you talk to strippers!)

5) The WTF Fail

Because nothing says sexy like an obese, nearsighted dwarf in a thong and matching black socks.

See more Stripper Fails at HolyTaco.com

5. Harold and Maude. Alright, whatever, I get this movie is a “cult classic” and that it was “engrossing” and “thought-provoking,” but seriously? Watching a teenager make out with an elderly woman is exactly how it sounds: gross.

4. Bad Santa. As if hearing gorgeous Laren Graham claim she’s had a Santa fetish her entire life wasn’t bad enough, we have to witness the act between her and Billy Bob Thorton, who has, at last count, 35 different STDs.

3. Ghostbusters. One of my favorite 80’s movies of all time is tainted by the ridiculous scene where Dan Ackroyd gets busy with a ghost. You read right: A floating, transparent ghost.

image @ worstpreviews.com

2. Shoot ‘Em Up- Yes, I think Clive Owen and Monica Bellucci are super hot together. And yes, I appreciate a good action flick. But no, I do not believe you can have sex while engaged in a full-fledged gun fight. Nice try.

img @ canoe.ca

1. Team America: World Police. LOL! Look at those puppets going at it. How funny. Oh man. Ok. Wow… Still going! Um… okay. What is… WHAT? OH NO! WHYYYYY?!!!

Here’s to you, directors! While watching those scenes was utterly cringe-worthy, I can only assume you had it worse trying to film them. I truly apologize.