img @ thefrisky

Excuse me, gentlemen. We need to talk.

Your pick-up skills are getting super rusty. I’ve heard you drop the same lines to the same kinda girl like, 8 times in the last month. It’s getting sad to watch you. Even if you were, at one time, the Knight of Bootopia, in this new decade, your conquering skills are getting a little pathetic. So although it’s February, and the deadline for New Years Resolutions might be two months past, there is no reason not to make some new Booty-gettin’ Resolutions for the rest of 2010. Here are my humble suggestions to help you improve your success:rejection ratio.

1. Clean yourself up, Chubs.

I’m sorry for calling you Chubs. You’re not chubby, you’ve just… been drinking a little too much beer. I get it, we’ve all been there, it’s winter weight, right? But it’s February now, and Summer is coming. Hell, if you live in San Diego, summer is pretty much already here. So get your lazy butt to the gym and maybe, just maybe get a haircut. Looks might not be everything, but they sure are the first thing, and no lady wants to get approached by a dude who looks like Al Bundy. (No offense. I loved Married With Children.)

2. Move away from the ol’ stomping grounds.

Far be it for me to judge those who frequent the same hang outs. I’ve been going to the same bar for so long that I have my own designated puking stall in the ladies restroom. Classy, I know. But still, guys, if you are a single man looking for some fresh lady parts to harass, move away from the dirty Irish pub down the street and venture somewhere new. A cool new wine bar, the coffee shop in a different part of town, maybe a different gym than the one you normally grunt at. Get yourself out of your comfort zone and try something new. Oh and for the love of god put on a collared shirt. You’re not sixteen anymore.

3. Be more openminded.

I’ve been noticing that you always go for the same scrawny blonde chicks everywhere you go. They usually look like they could be hot, if they cut back on the meth and ate a carb for once in their lives. Broaden your horizons, laddie! Walk up and strike up conversation with a girl who you’d normally not approach. Maybe she’s taller than you go for, or has dark hair and mysterious eyes. She’s probably got a different personality too, and that’s exciting considering you’ve all but run out of things to say about the drama of Jersey Shore.

4. Leave your douchey friend at home,

because he is a douche.

5. Stop, Look, and Listen.

Sure it’s a childhood phrase that refers to crossing the street. This is also your new pick up mantra. If you see a sexy little thing you wouldn’t mind taking home, stop! Don’t approach her right away. Check her out from across the room and if you make eye contact, hold it! Let her know it wasn’t an accident that you caught her eye. If you finally approach her, look into her eyes. Don’t be awkward. Don’t be creepy. Don’t be shy. You are a grown up now, doing grown up things, and if I catch you staring at the floor I will slap your face off your face. And the third, most important pick up rule: listen! Listen to what she’s saying. Ask her questions and elaborate on them. Don’t “uh huh” “sure” “mmhmm” her, cause she’s got radar technology for that bull and she knows you’re not listening and you are DEFINITELY not  getting into her low rises tonight.

Buck up, Buster Brown. All hope is not lost. Take the rejection you’ve been experiencing, combine it with my advice, and this year you’ll be racking in the dough (re: booty) more than ever!

We’ve never been sure what to think about American Apparel ads. Part of us wants to believe they’re super hot, what with their use of porn stars and nearly NSFW nudity. However, another part of us thinks there is something just… off… about the amphibian-like bodysuits, waist-high tights, and creepy-faced models. The first 100% awesome decision they made this year, however, is their “Search for the Best Bottom in the World,” a no-face-needed model hunt for the sexiest butt on the planet.

You can check out the full list of candidates over at the American Apparel site, but in case you want our opinion (we know you do), our pick for the best booty in the world is the lovely lady who submitted this gem. Whatever you’re doing to keep that ass, don’t stop.

Happy birthday to you, readers, from BCU.

img @ thedailymail

Assuming the women you meet don’t greet you with, “Hi, my name doesn’t matter, let’s go back to my apartment,” you’ll probably notice that deciphering whether a woman is just being friendly or really wants to get it on is pretty much like reading a foreign language. Let us at BCU be your Rosetta Stone for booty… Here are the top 5 ways you know you’re gonna get lucky tonight.

5. She holds eye-contact

Although it may seem like it, not all women are soulless witches who will walk away before they even give you a chance. A lot of ladies don’t mind engaging in some friendly conversation with a guy nearby. However, you may notice that she’s been holding eye contact with you for sometime. This is a good sign that she is actually interested, and not just engaging you out of pity or boredom. Key: hold her eye contact! It is a total turn on!

4. She buys you a drink

I’m gonna release a secret that may get me banned from the Women’s Alliance: we like free drinks. A lot. Some so much that they will maybe let you cop a feel if it means they go all night without spending a dime. You may think you’re mere inches from getting in her unmentionables, when all of a sudden she’s gone, like magic. This means you crossed her  free-drink-line, and she had to leave. So if she pulls out her wallet and offers to buy you a drink, you can safely assume she’s not just using you for the margaritas. Score one for you!

3. She touches you

No, no, you perv, not like that. I mean, if she leans in, touches your arm or leg, holds your arm, that kind of thing… she’s comfortable with you and doesn’t think you’re too creepy. This is a grey area, however, because some women are just touchy. If you notice her being the same way with every guy, in the vicinity, it just means she has no concept of personal space.

2. She lets you touch her

NO NO NO YOU PERV! Mind out of the gutter for one more minute- if your possible hook up doesn’t back away when your touch her back or hip or face, she’s definitely down for the possibility of a hook up. She obviously enjoys the idea of you touching her, and is probably thinking about other ways that could happen.

1. She talks dirty

This is the paramount of signs that you will be getting laid. It might be subtle, innuendo filled, or accompanied by shy smiles, but if she mentions sex, herself, and you within the same paragraph*, you will be getting laid. This is a fact**.

*Unless that paragraph is “There is no way in hell I will have SEX with YOU.”
**Not really.

If you can’t tell by the second Football-themed post in three days, we at BCU are getting geared up for the most important day of the year: the Super Bowl. We’re just as disappointed as anyone that the Chargers’ penalty-flagged their way out of the game, but come on, guys! Football, beer, and hilarious commercials about beer? We’ll take it. So in the spirit of football and our love of booty, we bring you our top 5 hottest NFL cheer squads, courtesy of Coed magazine.

5. The Carolina Panthers

Two Panther cheerleaders were once kicked out of a club for getting caught having sex in a bathroom. Let that sink in for a moment.

4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Back before those sexy, pirate themed outfits were created, the Tampa cheerleaders danced around in an outfit that’s color was reminiscent of a regurgitated creamsicle. Luckily, someone came around and demanded a change, and now the Tampa cheerleaders rock the hottest costumes ever made.

3. Denver Broncos

The poor folks of Denver. Having to deal with high crime-rates, miserable air pressure, and a depressing end of the season. Worst of all is the fact that due to the freezing temperatures, Denver fans rarely get to see these bombshell beauties in anything less than a curve-hugging tracksuit. WHAT A WASTE!

2. San Diego Chargers

Ah yes, BCU’s home team. Beyond the great nightlife, perfect weather, and miles of beaches, here is another reason to move to San Diego. We get to watch those ladies dance almost every Sunday wearing next to nothing. Beat that, Jets, you jerks.

1. Dallas Cowboys

Don’t judge us for picking the obvious! How can you say no to a dance team in booty shorts and cowboy boots?! There is a reason they made a show about the try-outs for the Cowboy cheerleaders. They are absolutely, 100%, no-questions-asked, the hottest cheer squad in America. It’s a fact.

This winter, San Diego has been disturbingly warm. As in, going to the beach, short sleeves at night, global warming is real-type weather. That is, until about two days ago. Apparently Mother Nature has gone completely nuts, because it will not stop raining. However, the BCU staff always looks on the bright side. Here are some ways to have an awesome Rainy Day Booty Call.

1. Get Limber

A few posts ago we wrote about the benefits of Bikram’s Yoga (bigger erections, anyone?), and right now is the perfect time to start. Take your booty call to a heated yoga class, where the two of you can get sweaty, warm, and limber. Then take the sexual tension back to your place and let your bodies do the talking!

2. Get Cookin’

Stir up some sexy food using libido enhancing foods like: avocado, figs, and oysters. Pour some wine and perhaps light some candles. The sound of the rain coupled with your erotic dinner will set the stage for some awesome winter booty.

3. Hit up the Spa

Over here in the Southwest, it’s been far too hot to enjoy a dip in the jacuzzi, until now. Grab your date and slip into a nice heated Jacuzzi (or just a bath) and see where it takes you. Remember: swimsuits are optional!

4. Play in the Rain

Maybe it sounds like the cheesy climactic point of every romantic comedy, but there is a reason the two characters always end up making out in the rain. It is totally sexy! Grab your partner in crime and get it on in the rain… and once it gets too cold, head inside for tip #5!

5. Play some Strip Poker

Light a fire in the fireplace and set up a game of strip poker nearby. Two-players will go by much faster than playing with a group, which is all the better! Whoever wins gets to call the shots afterwards, if you know what we mean (wink wink).

Alright, so maybe it’s his lovely wife, Michelle’s. Still, as Asylum.com so graciously pointed out, booty is booty. Not even our commander in chief can resist a nice one.  Kudos, Mr. President, for keeping it real.

Because nothing says “I have more money than I know what to do with” like $50 water. With gemstones on it. On a booty.

Spend egregiously @ BlingH2O.com

img @ gizmodo

That’s right, another condom story! In an effort to raise STD awareness, a giant condom has been placed right in a main shopping area of Italy. The condom is so massive, in fact, that 230 people can fit inside it!

Find the full story here.

image @ oddee.com

This creative ad from Durex Condoms adds another point to our List of Reasons You Should Stay Single: It saves you money! A package of condoms costs you as little as $2.50, but imagine what having a kid will set you back!

See more funny condom ads at Oddee.com

OnlineBootyCall.com is taking over the airwaves! OBC’s founder, Moses Brown, was recently a guest on “Ask the Cyber Dating Expert.”  Moses explains how the site got started, gossips about Tiger Woods, and announces OBC’s latest Million Dollar Sweepstakes. Check out the entire interview at cyberdatingexpert.com.