img @ ediets

Remember when Jeff Foxworthy used to do those “You might be a redneck” jokes? Those weren’t funny.

Although no one on the BCU staff knows “how to make roadkill stew,” we do know the signs that you might be whipped. Here are our top 5 favorites.

1) If she knows all your passwords…

When I was a kid and I first got my own computer, my parents knew all my passwords to make sure I wasn’t getting into any shenanigans online. Then I turned 13, and the word “privacy” entered my vocabulary. That was the last time it was okay for anyone to you know your password. If you let her read your e-mails, you are letting her be your mom. Not okay.

2) If you ask permission to go out with the guys…

If she assumes you’re going boob-hunting every time you and your buddies want to hang out, she’s got some insecurity issues that she needs to work out… alone. She’s your girlfriend, not your warden, and you don’t have to ask permission to leave the house.

3) If you only hang out with her friends…

Remember when you had separate friend groups? You would meet up with her after hanging with your friends? Now all you do is hang out with other couples, sitting at someone’s house drinking wine and watching Couple’s Retreat. You sir, are whipped.

4)If you always worry she’s going to get mad…

You’re at the store, practically drooling over a new LCD big screen. You just got a raise and want to drop the big bucks, but you’re worried that your sleeping dragon of a girlfriend might not approve, so you call to ask. Making decisions on your own is part of being a grown up, so do it! (Plus, if she’s not stoked on a nice new TV, she’s got issues anyway)

5) If she uses sex as a bargaining tool…

90% of the time she wears sweatpants and a grease-stained college t-shirt to bed, and the only time you ever see her look sexy anymore is when she’s asking you to buy her a ridiculously overpriced diamond necklace. Sex is a key part of any relationship, and if the only time you get it is after a business transaction, you need to get out, now.

img @ dumpeddays

We all know it sucks to go through a break up. Not only do you feel confused and heartbroken, but your self-esteem plummets. However, we at BCU always try to see the bright side of things, so here are our top 5 ways to get over a tough break up.

1) Hit the gym

Not only will a daily dose of cardio and strength training raise your endorphins and give you a natural high that’ll get you through the tough times, but imagine the look on your ex’s face the next time you run into them and you have a bod that just won’t quit. Nothing feels better than witnessing a “Why did I ever break up with you?!” face.

2) Take a trip

If you’ve got vacation time around and some extra cash, go crazy in Vegas or relax in the mountains for a few days. Getting out of your rut and spending time in a new place will make you feel tons better.

3) Pick up a new hobby

You know how you’ve always talked about trying rock climbing or starting that book, but never got around to it because you were always hanging around with your ex? Now is the time to get around to it. Instead of wallowing in your misery, trying something new will take your mind off of the breakup.

4) Hang out with friends

Couples tend to lose friends that aren’t couples. Remember that old guy or girlfriend who you used to have a blast with? Call them up and go out on the town. Surrounding yourself with friends is key to getting over your ex. Plus, hanging out with other singles will make you remember why being single is so much more fun than being in a relationship.

5) Find a booty call

That’s right. You know we had to throw this one in! Finding a great no-strings-attached booty call can be a great way to avoid the post-breakup blues. Not only is sex a great tension reliever, but realizing that you can have fun without all the hassles of being in a relationship will make you wonder why you ever fell into one at all!

img @ marieclaire

CollegeCandy recently posted their list of the top 10 things women never want to know about their boyfriends. The list was pretty standard, from their “number” to anything about their ex. While not 100% accurate, the article got me thinking… what are things you never want to hear from your booty call or friends-with-benefits? Keeping in mind that I am pretty much the ice queen of dating, take my list with a grain of salt, but for the most part, here are the top 5 things your booty call (or friend-with-benefits) never wants to know.

1. Who you slept with last week/yesterday/16 minutes ago

I get that we’re not exclusive. In fact, I revel in that fact because I never have to get dolled up, or remember your birthday (it’s between February and September, right?), or have to keep promises about anything but a time and place. But come on dude, there is no need to chat about Amy or Diana or What’s-her-name-with-the-piercing. Thinking about you dipping your pen in someone else’s ink just makes me feel like a floozy. Save that for your buddies.

2. Your insecurities or feelings

We’ve all got them, and if Freud is right they all stem from our mothers, which are another thing I don’t want to hear about. This is a fun, casual, mainly physical relationship, and the second you mention that you’ve been “kinda depressed recently,” I will magically create a very important meeting that I’m totally late for.

3. That you’re interested in me

This is somewhat of a Catch-22, as we are pretty dang close, what with the sexing and nakedness and all. However, I’d rather you not ask what my dreams for the future are, or anything about my family or childhood. That will only lead to you to ask, “so, how’d your brother’s SAT’s go?” the next time we hook up, and that is a big no-no.

4. That you’re “Sorry”

Don’t apologize for calling at 1 AM, or for skipping out early. It makes me think that you think I’m being used, or taken advantage of or something. We’re both adults here and I could easily call it quits whenever I want, so stop coming off as condescending and take your pants off.

5. You want to hang out again

Alright, Buster Brown. Let’s break down the basis of this “relationship” again. This works because it is unplanned, spontaneous, non-committal, and exciting. By asking when we can hang out again, you’re implying that you don’t have anything else (or anyone else) to do except hang out with me. Goodbye mystery, hello monotony. No thank you.

img @ thedailymail

Assuming the women you meet don’t greet you with, “Hi, my name doesn’t matter, let’s go back to my apartment,” you’ll probably notice that deciphering whether a woman is just being friendly or really wants to get it on is pretty much like reading a foreign language. Let us at BCU be your Rosetta Stone for booty… Here are the top 5 ways you know you’re gonna get lucky tonight.

5. She holds eye-contact

Although it may seem like it, not all women are soulless witches who will walk away before they even give you a chance. A lot of ladies don’t mind engaging in some friendly conversation with a guy nearby. However, you may notice that she’s been holding eye contact with you for sometime. This is a good sign that she is actually interested, and not just engaging you out of pity or boredom. Key: hold her eye contact! It is a total turn on!

4. She buys you a drink

I’m gonna release a secret that may get me banned from the Women’s Alliance: we like free drinks. A lot. Some so much that they will maybe let you cop a feel if it means they go all night without spending a dime. You may think you’re mere inches from getting in her unmentionables, when all of a sudden she’s gone, like magic. This means you crossed her  free-drink-line, and she had to leave. So if she pulls out her wallet and offers to buy you a drink, you can safely assume she’s not just using you for the margaritas. Score one for you!

3. She touches you

No, no, you perv, not like that. I mean, if she leans in, touches your arm or leg, holds your arm, that kind of thing… she’s comfortable with you and doesn’t think you’re too creepy. This is a grey area, however, because some women are just touchy. If you notice her being the same way with every guy, in the vicinity, it just means she has no concept of personal space.

2. She lets you touch her

NO NO NO YOU PERV! Mind out of the gutter for one more minute- if your possible hook up doesn’t back away when your touch her back or hip or face, she’s definitely down for the possibility of a hook up. She obviously enjoys the idea of you touching her, and is probably thinking about other ways that could happen.

1. She talks dirty

This is the paramount of signs that you will be getting laid. It might be subtle, innuendo filled, or accompanied by shy smiles, but if she mentions sex, herself, and you within the same paragraph*, you will be getting laid. This is a fact**.

*Unless that paragraph is “There is no way in hell I will have SEX with YOU.”
**Not really.

Alright ladies, we forgive you for ignoring your better judgement (and the e-card below) and letting some lame-ass guy take you out on a cheesy, conventional Valentine’s date. Don’t worry, we give the date 30 minutes before you wish you’d stayed home, clicked your way to OBC, and found a sexy booty call. Meanwhile, check out our handy guide to let you know what his Valentine’s Day gift really means.

1) The Practical Gift

You thought it meant: “Because we’ve only known each other a short time, I didn’t want to freak you out with something over-the-top. So I remembered you needed this, and I got it. I’m a good listener.”

What it really meant: “My cousin Gary got this for me last Christmas and I happened to leave it in its original packaging. Also I’m broke, and also you haven’t let me get to third base yet. Deal with it.”

2) The Expensive Gift

You thought it meant: “You mean so much to me that I haven’t bought anything for myself in the past two months just so I could afford this. I love you, baby, and I hope this diamond ring shows you just a fraction of how I feel.”

What it really means: “Remember that time when I wanted to do that thing, and you wouldn’t let me? Guess what. It’s happening. Tonight.”

3) The Homemade Gift

You thought it meant: “There isn’t enough money in the world to show you how much I love you. Instead, accept this jar of handwritten notes exalting every trait about you I love.”

What it really means: “Mentally, I’ve progressed to about age 6. Also, that’s the same gift I gave my mom.”

Now that you’ve got the truth, girls, get over to OBC and send this sexy e-card to someone who will make you forget all about that crummy gift!

Photos courtesy of HolyTaco

img @ micahmcmillan.wordpress

If you ignore the allegations that he “recreated situations” and “stayed at 5-star hotels,” Bear Grylls of Man Vs. Wild is hands-down the craziest badass in the history of mankind. From eating frog eyes to giving himself enemas in the middle of the ocean, it seems there is nothing this Brit can’t do. Luckily, somebody over at Primer Magazine got him to sit down long enough to interview him on his 5 most important lessons for surviving. The next time you’re flying in a helicopter over Siberia and somehow fall out, you’ll have these tips to keep you alive.

1. Be In Shape

Apparently, Bear’s weekly workouts span from skydiving, to gymnastics, to Jujitsu and paragliding. Then again, you must keep in mind that he was a part of the British Special Forces, which means he has probably endured more grueling workouts than 99% of the population. However, keeping fit through cardio and strength training will help you out whether your hiking in Yosemite or trekking through the forests of Vietnam.

2. Make Informed Decisions

This might seem obvious, but as Bear says, “When you stop making decisions, you die.” There are tons of handbooks out there that will educate you on survival. However, I personally feel that my weekly Man Vs. Wild marathons are enough to ensure I could survive sub-zero temperatures. That’s an informed decision, right?

3. The Wild Is Your Playground

We spend so much time sitting in front of computers, televisions, video games, and movie screens that few of us are even acquainted with nature. Find nearby hiking trails so you can at least feel comfortable being out of society. You’ll learn new things, become more relaxed, and if you’re ever trapped in the Amazon, you won’t embarrass yourself by screaming “EWWWW!” every time you get tree sap on your hands, and save it for when piranhas start eating your thighs.

4. Get Spiritual

You might not know this, but Bear Grylls is actually a devout Christian, and although he never mentions it, it makes sense that he has some sort of faith that makes him confident enough to jump out of flying planes and eat tiger carcasses. While organized religion might not be your thing, anything from meditation and Yoga to Catholic mass might help you become more confident in your abilities.

5. Know Your Sources of Support

Sure, Man Vs. Wild is about being stranded alone, but by learning to trust and rely on other people, such as your family and friends, you’ll increase your chances of survival. Many people who have been displaced by natural disasters or stranded in the wilderness report that their main inspiration was getting back to their family or friends.

Still don’t feel quite confident enough to brave the outback? If all else fails, keep some rope, a Swiss army knife, and flint on you at all times. You never know when you might find yourself stranded in the Rockies with only a camera crew by your side.

img @ wikipedia

Porn stars, while usually 30-50% silicone, are some of the hottest women in the world. With HD cameras all up in their everything, their job is to keep their bodies tight and tanned! Lots of guys dream of dating a porn star and getting to hook up with a girl who is so good at sex people pay her to watch it. However, there are a few reasons why dating a porn star would not be the best thing in the world. Guyism.com provided us with some advice that might put a damper on those desires.

5. Every guy will hit on her.

This is the least of your worries. Sure, you might end up getting in a few fights to swat away creepy dudes who disrobe your girlfriend with their eyes, but that’s the price you pay to sleep with one of the sexiest women in the world.

4. You’ll have to go to award shows and film openings.

We’re not talking the VMA’s or Marley and Me, we’re talking full-fledged porn premieres and award shows for “The Biggest Junk in the San Fernando Valley.” It must be tremendously uncomfortable to be in a giant theater with a bunch of dudes while 90% of them (and you) have some pants-adjustment issues.

3. Everything she’s done has been well “documented.”

She’s been a porn star since before you started dating her. So, there are a lot of people in the world who’ve been seeing your lady naked for the past 3 years. When you introduce her to you buddies, they’ll probably respond with, “OH YEAH, I know you!” Which is pretty awkward.

2. Telling your mother is going to be… awkward.

Let’s be honest, you can’t keep telling Mom she’s a model. Porn stars just have an air about them that says, “I have sex on camera,” and eventually you’ll have to share with your mom, aunt, sister, and grandma that the girl you’re bringing to the family picnic has starred in “Picnic Hotties 3.”

1. You will never want to ask about her work day.

I’m sorry, but there is just no guy in the world who will keep their dignity and security when their girlfriend says, “Ugh, I’m so tired, we had to film that shower scene like 45 times!” Whether or not she’s bringing home the big bucks, the thought of your lady slobbering all over some other dude will not be appealing. Not to mention the fact that she’ll probably be totally over sex by the time she gets home, thus obliterating the whole point of dating a porn star.

This winter, San Diego has been disturbingly warm. As in, going to the beach, short sleeves at night, global warming is real-type weather. That is, until about two days ago. Apparently Mother Nature has gone completely nuts, because it will not stop raining. However, the BCU staff always looks on the bright side. Here are some ways to have an awesome Rainy Day Booty Call.

1. Get Limber

A few posts ago we wrote about the benefits of Bikram’s Yoga (bigger erections, anyone?), and right now is the perfect time to start. Take your booty call to a heated yoga class, where the two of you can get sweaty, warm, and limber. Then take the sexual tension back to your place and let your bodies do the talking!

2. Get Cookin’

Stir up some sexy food using libido enhancing foods like: avocado, figs, and oysters. Pour some wine and perhaps light some candles. The sound of the rain coupled with your erotic dinner will set the stage for some awesome winter booty.

3. Hit up the Spa

Over here in the Southwest, it’s been far too hot to enjoy a dip in the jacuzzi, until now. Grab your date and slip into a nice heated Jacuzzi (or just a bath) and see where it takes you. Remember: swimsuits are optional!

4. Play in the Rain

Maybe it sounds like the cheesy climactic point of every romantic comedy, but there is a reason the two characters always end up making out in the rain. It is totally sexy! Grab your partner in crime and get it on in the rain… and once it gets too cold, head inside for tip #5!

5. Play some Strip Poker

Light a fire in the fireplace and set up a game of strip poker nearby. Two-players will go by much faster than playing with a group, which is all the better! Whoever wins gets to call the shots afterwards, if you know what we mean (wink wink).

This one is easy. The truth is, she is tired… Of you! 2 minutes of missionary followed by instant snoring might be great for you, but to her, it becomes a nightly chore. Spice it up tonight and watch her yawning face turn into… Well, a different face.

2.”I have an important meeting in the morning.”

img @ workitmom

This is the WORST excuse. This excuse basically says, “your skills in the sack are so atrocious that they literally ruin my entire night’s sleep and could cause me to lose my job.” Similar to excuse number one, this means she is totally bored. You need to fix this if you ever want to have sex again.

2. “I’m on my period (or) I forgot to take my pill.”

Let’s be honest here. Grown men know absolutely nothing about the female reproductive system. This fact makes it super easy for her to reject you using a “period” line, because she knows you have no clue. The true meaning is that you smell like a baby’s diaper below the belt and she doesn’t want your stench all over her. Take a shower and try again.

3. “I’m not ready for that yet.”

Maybe, she really does want to wait, but not cause she is an innocent angel who doesn’t put out. Or, maybe she’s trying to get a feel for what kind of guy you are.

4. “We Have Guests Over”

img @ sweetpickles

There is nothing creepier than picturing your grandmother walking in while you’re getting some hot naked action. However, if it’s a couple of friends, she’s totally lying. People have sex. This is fact.  She is using this excuse to get out of sex because she’s just not that into you. So you might as well get out of bed and go hit on her friends.

Oh, the holidays. They catch us off guard every year. One minute it’s summer, the next, it’s freezing outside and we’re expected to cook and spend a nauseating amount of time with the family.

One way to perk up your fall holiday is to set up a booty call for Thanksgiving night. Here are my top 5 tips for having a holiday night you’ll be totally thankful for.

1) Plan Ahead. It’s Thanksgiving. No one is going out clubbin’ tonight. You’ve got your pick of the litter, so make sure to schedule a booty call ahead of time with someone who is trying to escape the family shenanigans just like you. Grab some wine and maybe some pumpkin scented candles. Give your place a warm ambience, so your booty call won’t think you’re some creepy Scrooge who hates holidays.

2) Skip the Ex. The last thing you want is to rekindle an old flame that died for a reason. The holidays are notorious for convincing us we should be in a relationship, but you’ve probably forgotten that obnoxious noise she makes when she chews. It’s gross.

3) Don’t Binge on Turkey. It’s called tryptophan and it makes you sleepy. Do you want to fall asleep before you get to the finish line? I didn’t think so.

4) Get Right To It. The small talk, the awkward “How was your Thanksgiving?” questions, blah blah blah. You both know where this is going. Time management 101, people: Get to the booty!

5) Black Friday : Your Escape Plan. It’s the biggest shopping day of the year! It’s foolproof. How can anyone get mad at you for slipping away at 5:30 in the morning when you just want to buy a BluRay player for your ailing grandmother? Whatever you do, don’t let an overly-clingy booty call tag along on your shopping trip.

Now you’ve got the tools for an epic Thanksgiving booty call… now get out there and DON’T EMBARRASS ME.