At BCU we are dedicated followers of the psuedo-news site, The Onion. Similarly, we’re getting awful tired of all these “Shot at Love” “Tough Love” “Tool Academy” shows that glorify (and sometimes skyrocket to fame) women with no discernible talent other than chugging peach schnapps. Therefore, we love this clip, and so should you.

VH1 Reality Show Bus Crashes In California Causing Major Slut Spill

Apparently it’s time for OBC to make an appearance in Korea.

img @ metro.co.uk

A 28 year old Korean guy named Lee Jin-gyu just married his ‘dakimakura,’ a kind of body pillow with an anime character on it. Don’t worry, this isn’t a normal practice in Korea, apparently there he’s called “otaku,” a word that is translated roughly to “obsessive” and “nerd.” He takes the pillow to the movies, fairs, and out to dinner, and yes, he gets the pillow a meal.

Jin-gyu, come on. Sign on to OBC and meet some real booty. Leave that poor pillow alone!

img @ theinsanityreport

Gentlemen, did your lady force you to take her out for a lavish dinner on Valentine’s Day? Did she demand roses, chocolates, and wine, followed by hours and hours of “making love”? If this is the case, you should be thanking me right now, because I have recently discovered that this Sunday, March 14, is Steak and a BJ Day.

Can it be? you ask? Do I really get retribution for the hellacious experience that has been February 14th for my entire life? you ask?

The answer is yes, and I provide you this page from DateDaily to print and display as proof when your lady-friend unavoidably says, “THAT DOESN’T EXIST.”

Put on a nice shirt and scrub your junk, boys, because this day comes around only once a year.

There is nothing funny about divorce. It is sad, life-altering, expensive, depressing, awful awful awful. Divorce is one of the main reasons the BCU team isn’t into marriage! As the adage goes, “50% of marriages end in divorce, the other half end in death.”

However, this guy’s letter to his wife (or soon to be ex-wife) is pretty freakin’ hilarious. Shocking and pretty NSFW, yes, but also awesome. This guy is my hero.

img @ tumblr

Read the rest after the jump!

Read more »

OMG OMG OMG OMG.

Alright guys, I know that I might have a teeny weeny itty bitty crush on Zach Galiafinakis that might be borderline stalker status, but I can not be the only one in the world who is out-of-this-world excited to see him host SNL this weekend. Especially since the last few guest stars have been about as funny as a malaria outbreak.

img @ the asylum

Along with misspellings, fart jokes, and people falling down, the BCU staff’s immature 12-year-old boy sense of humor includes unintended sexual innuendo. Luckily, some guy in Connecticut snapped this pic from a Friendly’s menu that made us giggle like children.

We are the proponents for casual dating. This is obvious. However, we cannot pretend to underestimate the joy a couple can have when they get engaged. The marriage is a whole other story, but still… it’s classtime.

Ladies- take heed. Hillary Duff, Disney starlet and classic girl-next-door, is giving lessons on the appropriate way to handle a proposal. Her hockey player boyfriend, Mike Comrie, recently proposed to her on the rooftop of a condo in Florida with a $1 million dollar engagement ring. The next steps she took should be written in a public journal somewhere for all fiancees to read: she did a mini freak out, then took a photo to send to her friends and family, and promptly proceeded to perform what could only be construed as a phenomenal, life changing blow job.

Congrats to the happy couple- especially you, Mr. Comrie. You got yourself a keeper.

Photos courtesy of BroBible

Good afternoon, BCU readers! Yours truly got a featured article on the hilarious “morning after” site Regretful Morning! Head over and check out the fancy schmancy advice article that’s destined to make me famous

I know, it just doesn’t make sense. You gelled that hair up, all but drowned yourself in Axe, and even ironed your fancy sparkly Ed Hardy tee, and yet here you are, in your bed, alone, jerking it at 9 am to internet porn. You might be thinking that those bitches at the bar were prudes. And ugly. Yeah, and FAT! Fat, ugly prudes. So whatever.

But let’s be honest, Jerome. I was there, and I was drunk and horny, and oh yeah- I have seriously few standards. But you still somehow managed to repulse me. Let’s discuss.

Click here to read the full article!

Guess what! It’s time for another installment of “What Was That Blog Thinking?!”

This week’s blog slam goes out to the moderators at the Zoosk.com blog, for their forum post, “Explain your screen name.” While we feel bad for the creepy, boring, and sometimes even obscene answers, we thank them providing us with a whole day’s worth of at-their-expense laughter. Here are a couple of BCUs favorite answers. We’ve omitted the picture, to at least save them a teeny tiny shred of digni-.   Eh. Nevermind.

1. Reefer

Straight and to the point, Mr. Reefer explains his screen name and manages to encapsulate the stoner persona with one, long, drawn out word.

2. Pegasus69

This one, while embarassing, is almost a little disappointing, because we really expected some sort of explanation about her creepy mythological flying horse fetish. Birth year? BORING.

3. Caddman1701

Oh Caddman, you sexy beast. Perhaps your photo did not catch my eye… but once you described your heroic career and your affinity for 60s  sci-fi television trivia, you made my heart pound with the passion of a thousand burning stars.

4. Prince of Pleasure

Let’s analyze. Note Exhibit A-  the shiny, almost greased bald head, complete with the Terminator like sunglasses and bulging traps, and Exhibit B- the incredibly sensual Hello Kitty poster behind him. These two features, combined with his adjective laden claim to sexual prowess… Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I believe we’ve found the sexiest man in the world.

A couple months ago we did an article on the best iPhone apps for dates, which included some great tools for finding restaurants and movie theaters to take a hot date. However, it has come to our attention that not every human being is endowed with an iPhone, so we thought we’d grace all you Droiders and Blackberry-users with some web friendly apps that will help you get laid.

1. OpenTable

Look like the elite of the elite, and totally wow your date, by making a reservation without ever picking up the phone. OpenTable lets you type in your chosen restaurant and a time and see if a table is available. If not, it’ll direct you to nearby restaurants with open tables. No word on if Chipotle or Taco Bell is listed.

2. Groove Shark

This is one of those apps you need to check out now, because it could be gone very soon. It’s a music streaming site with an absolutely massive library and the ability to create playlists. Look like you dropped the big bucks for a ton of music, when in reality, it’s totally free!

3. Mint

This app might not help you get booty, exactly, but it will help you organize your finances so you know how much money you’ve been spending on booty. There comes a point in every man’s life when he realizes he’s been shelling out way too much dough and not receiving sexual compensation. Supply and demand, bull and bear market, all that jazz.

4. YouSendIt

If she’s been teasing you with the idea of some “sexy video” she has in store for you, but says it’s “too big to e-mail,” stop her BS by sending her a link to YouSendIt, a hosting site where you can upload media files up to 100MB. If she actually delivers on her promise, you’ll be one-clicking yourself to NSFW sexiness in no time.

5. GoogleVoice

This VOIP tool is great on a ton of levels, from assigning you a phone number and voice mail, to delivering transcripts of voice messages, and free calling anywhere in the United States. But the best part? The ability to mark those callers you want to ignore (ex-girlfriends, booty calls gone wrong, and your landlord) as spam. Take that, crazy ex!